Comment Wall
Here is the Link to My Story. I really hope you guys enjoy and I appreciate all the feedback!
Introduction to a Comm Major's Gamer Life
Hello everyone, My name is Jake Compton and I am a Senior Communication Major. I have been in college since FA 2012 and have changed my major a few times starting with Chemical Engineering, moving to Finance, and finally settling on Communication. Initially I went to The University of Tulsa and played football my freshman year, but the struggles of football plus Chem E. was a lot to handle and I ended up transferring out and going to community college for a while. Finally making my way to OU as a Finance major however after doing very bad in Calc 2 I finally switched to Communication. Lucky for me, I want to be a sales rep. for a chemical company such as Chevron Phillips, Exxon, Shell, etc. and there are many majors that I can use to achieve that. After quitting football I was looking for something to do competitively and my brother introduced me to Magic: The Gathering and I have been playing that semi-competitively since 2013 and plan on being more competitive after graduation. Mo
Hi Jake!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is a really intriguing introduction! You've done a great job of setting up an interesting and suspenseful story that makes the reader want to see what's next. I like that you have a few different points of interest going on: the relationship between Arthur and his demanding brother, Arthur's rise from orphanhood to majesty, Merlin as a sword, and a journey to Japan! It gives the reader lots to think about, and I think it all works together nicely.
I think including dialogue was a smart choice, because it breaks up all the description and makes the story easier to grasp. Something else you could do to make the story easier to digest would be to break it up into smaller chunks. This wouldn't require any re-writing, just re-formatting to make many small paragraphs instead of a large one. I would start a new paragraph every time someone new speaks. This would just help the reader keep track of where they are in the story and who is speaking, since it can be hard to read online.
I also want to say that your last sentence leads so well into the stories that are to come. I'm excited to see where your Storybook goes!
Hi Jake!
ReplyDeleteYou're introduction was very well thought out. From beginning to end, you never lost my attention. This is a perfect pathway into your main stories later on. I love the dynamic between Arthur and his adoptive brother Kay. You make the reader feel pity for the character like Cinderella and her sisters. But once Arthur pulls out the sword and Merlin appears, the character gains a sense of purpose. you also don't give away too much about Merlin and where he comes from or how he got there or even what was taken from him. It's a great sense of suspense. I believe that you could elaborate more on Merlin's nemesis, Morgan Le Fay, because Morgan doesn't seem very threatening at this point. You could also add more thought into your website design by adding more colors and pictures to both the home page and introduction page. This is what will attract the readers because right now it's very white and plain. Also, breaking up the huge paragraph would be a tremendous help to the reader. It'll be easier for them to follow along and it won't feel so claustrophobic. Great read though! I can't wait to see what you come up with in your stories!
Hey Jake,
ReplyDeleteI got to tell you: I am really loving the premise you are putting forth! Your story, instead of being selected by the randomizer, was actually chosen by me because of how interested I was by the mere name of your portfolio. I am a fan of the story of King Arthur, and the fact that you are creating a version of the story that is somewhat of a far cry from the original legend really interests me. I cannot wait to see what type of adventures Arthur will get into in, what I am assuming, feudal Japan. A huge part of the legend was the European idea of magic, so I am really interested to see how you will incorporate Japanese myth and lore into your story. I am assuming Excalibur is going to be a samurai sword, or maybe a tanto, which makes me really excited!
Keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more about King Arthur in Japan!
Hey there Jake! It's nice to meet ya! Well, I will say by just looking at your first story that you seemed to be reallllyyy into it while writing! Which is a good thing, of course! I could tell by your use of stronger words that you were trying to relay a passionate scene. If I could give any advice in your website, it would be this: for my own personal storybook, I created a homepage (which is the same as your title page), which is where I did a mini introduction through my own point of view. I introduced the type of story I would be telling, I mentioned some of the main characters, and I even gave a little history as to where my type of story originated from. Now I am not saying that any of things should apply to you, but I know as a reader who is stumbling into this story for the first time, jumping right into a scene of battle can be a little confusing. The story may be easy to read, but without any surrounding or previous context, the story might go over my head. It is actually so interesting what a little background knowledge can to for a readers retainability and enjoyment of a story! Happy Writing :)
ReplyDeleteHey Jake how's it going? First, I wasn't sure if you were aware of it or not but your homepage just had a introduction link. I did the same thing at first but then figured it was more appeasing it had a picture on it and maybe a two or three sentence blurb. Also the link is in the navigation bar so you don't need a link on the page because it actually takes you to a new page instead of just moving you in the page to the introduction. Okay, so the introduction was great! I liked the use of both thought narrative and dialogue. I think the idea of King Arthur going on journey's across the world was a great idea. The power of the Excalibur is a great one and worthy of a world scale for sure! Well, good luck on the rest of the writing. I look forward to hearing more about what and where Arthur is going next.
ReplyDeleteHi Jake, great to read your introduction! I really like your subject matter and your storytelling — you're creating a great character with Arthur so far. One thing I noticed was that the introduction was all in italics, which made it difficult to distinguish between background information, current events, and dialogue. Breaking up that italicizing, and making new paragraphs for your dialogue, might help make your formatting clearer. Another thing that slightly confused me was the way Arthur approaches Excalibur. If he knows it is legendary, why does he reach for it as just a replacement sword to pass off to Kay? I really enjoy the mysterious and aloof nature of your Merlin, but I was also a little confused with his backstory. Did the Excalibur legend not exist in Arthur's land before Merlin was cursed? Overall though, I thought this story was a really neat start to your storybook, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHello Jake. This is a good beginning to the bigger story that you are looking to tell. The pacing was a little off and skipping ahead to where Arthur pulls the sword from the stone does not really give the reader much as far as how Arthur's mindset was growing up. Touching a little more on that before going straight to a major part of the story would give the readers a few expectations when it comes to the character. Also, did Merlin call Morgan a witch when he was talking to Arthur about her? Why would Arthur assume she was one. Last thing would be the font you chose. It is really hard to read when reading at length. I would suggest a serif font that isn't as thick so the eyes do not tire out so fast. Besides that it was really enjoyable and I am looking forward to learning more about Arthur and Merlin during the journey to Japan to get back whatever was stolen and for Arthur to get the true excalibur.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I notice is the lack of an exciting picture based off of the theme of your storybook. I'm sure that the new journey for Arthur could be great, but I feel less excited to comment on your book. A comment wall picture is just the thing to encourage readers to have an excitement and investment in your book, because they are already imagining what your story could entail. Your story introduction, however, is great. I enjoyed how it started out like the Sword in the Stone Disney movie and then took a left turn. It's interesting that you chose Japan to be their destination of interest. I think that story's all in italics are not normally nice, but it works in your case. I feel like you could even imagine the Introduction as Arthur recollecting the recent events as he travels through the hole with the magician.
ReplyDeleteHey Jake! I have to say I am really loving your story idea. The story of King Arthur is a classic and honestly one of my favorites. When I saw your adaptation was set in Japan, it definitely caught my attention and I had to check it out. I think it’s a really creative spin on such an archetypal story. I think your introduction did a good job setting up your project. I really liked how you introduced Merlin, as actually being the sword Excalibur and how it tied in the your setting change to Japan. In the intro there were a few grammatical mistakes that I would consider going back and revising, as well as maybe changing the font. It made it very hard to read. I will say there were vast improvements in your first story both in the cosmetic aspect and in your story telling. I really enjoyed the thought of King Arthur running around with a katana.
ReplyDeleteHi Jake,
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing twist on the King Arthur story! You made it all flow nicely from the original into your version, and the relationship between Merlin and Morgan Le Fay makes it quite believable. I am a little confused as to how a sword from Japan gives the one pulls it from the stone the right to rule Britain.
Also, why does the fox have nine tails? It might be nice to explain that in the author's note.
As far the visual presentation goes, it might be nice to have a picture in the header to make it less bland. Also, I think the home page would benefit by having a more elaborate introduction or table of contents, not just links to the stories.
Do Merlin and Morgan Le Fay also have Japanese names, just as the sword does? I look forward to meeting Morgan in future stories.
Hi Jake, I must admit I got pretty hooked on your story from the introduction and was left wanting to read more. I read both Arthur’s New Journey and Drawing the Sword and I was very impressed by how the story has a good flow to it making it easy to interpret and follow along. The one thing that did kind of confuse me was the step father part in the first story. Maybe if you gave the step father a name that confusion would be solved. The banner picture is also a bit blurry, which I had that same problem but found out if you select a bigger image, it’ll help. Other than that I thought the story was great. The snow-white fox was brilliant and how you incorporated him into the story. I’ve been a fan of King Arthur stories and this one was a little different but brilliant. I’ll definitely be back to keep on reading your story and to see where you go from here.
ReplyDeleteHey Jake! I think that the idea behind your project is very interesting. I thought the picture of the first page fit pretty well but obviously you need to write a little introduction to go along with it for the readers to get the point of everything. In terms of your stories though you did a fantastic job in keeping the reader intrigued and entertained. I personally liked “Arthur’s New Journey” better but they bother were great. I think the only thing you could possibly work on is your description of the characters. I think that a reader can become more invested if they feel like they know the characters better. For example the step dad could possibly be given a bit more information to truly let the reader visualize him. I think in terms of writing though you are doing fine but maybe fix the introduction and possibly get more pictures and you will be golden. Great work so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake! I really liked your story. I think you have a fantastic start to your storybook. I really liked the first story a lot. It was very intriguing and I felt as if the moral of the story was along the lines of everyone should treat others with respect because you never know what kind of power they may have one day. I think it would be fun to write a story where the Arthur uses his power to teach Kay a lesson to treat everyone with respect. I think your story reminds me very much of the story of Cinderella and her step-sisters. Good job with your story!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake, I really enjoyed reading your story. What a cool idea to use as your theme! I also liked that you seemed to incorporate a moral of sorts and that just makes it feel even more like a fairytale. I do wish the first home page had some sort of introduction or idea of what the storybook was going to be about just so the readers can get an idea and a little background as to why you chose the theme you did. I agree with some of the comments above about giving your characters a little more depth to make them more relatable and to avoid the confusion it can bring sometime, like with the step dad for instance. I think you are doing an incredible job and I enjoyed both stories immensely! Keep up with the good work.
ReplyDeleteHello there Jake!
ReplyDeleteNot sure if it is just my computer, but the very first image you have on your website is very blurry. I would suggest changing it or finding the picture in higher quality because it is the first thing your readers see and it will make your story look a lot better. Also, the home page should definitely have some sort of welcome. To be fair, I am at fault with this too, as I didn't really put much, but I definitely invited the readers in at least! Maybe that would be a good place to put some background on the story and what you liked so much about it that inspired you to make a storybook about it! Also, I highly suggest adding a little more in depth emotions to the characters so we can feel for them more. Stories are always better when we get absorbed by them. Other than that, great job!
Hi Jake!
ReplyDeleteI really liked both of your stories! I think you did a great job in the first one of setting up the story and giving it an interesting new direction! It’s such a creative idea to have the sword Arthur pulled from the stone not actually be the real one. As for the second story, I think you did a good job continuing his journey. I would maybe like to read more about why Arthur is so willing to help Merlin. It seems like he is almost using Arthur to fulfill his revenge, but is Arthur okay with that? It’s just a thought that crossed my mind when I came to the end of the story! So you could look into that if you are wanting to expand your story at all. I’m really looking forward to reading your next story and seeing where you decide to take it!
Hey Jake,
ReplyDeleteIt's really good to see that you have updated your storybook. I have been really looking forward to continuing Arthur's story in Japan. The way that you mixed King Arthur's story with Asian mythology is a really fun idea. Reading the story, we readers see that it is extremely similar to the original tale's exposition, but the fact that you had Merlin be a nine-tailed fox, and had Excalibur be a katana gives the story a most welcomed twist.
My suggestion for you is to keep up with this style and do not be afraid to further incorporate other mythologies from different lands and blend them in your story. I think it would be really interesting to see that. King Arthur's story itself is very interesting, but we all know it. So the fact that you are doing this and incorporating other mythologies will make it really cool. As for Merlin, don't be afraid to add more dialogue for him. He's an interesting character and I think you can make him a really great exposition piece.
Great job!
Hi Jake! First of all, your stories are so different and unique from what I’ve been reading. Your work almost reminds me of when I got to read my first chapter book in elementary school because of the way you wrote the stories. My favorite part about “Arthur’s New Journey” was the introduction to Arthur! I immediately pictured him to come out to be someone great. “My favorite part about “Drawing the Sword” was your explanation on “katana.” I thought this was a great addition, but I did wonder more about the history of katana. What if you told a flashback story in your actual story about the sword? I think this would make your story even more interesting to read. Overall, I thought you did a great job, and I really enjoyed how the stories were written, and the journey in the stories. I look forward to more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Jake,
ReplyDeleteIt is god to see that you have updated your story! I have to admit that I have been following your storybook due to my love for the King Arthur legends and Asian mythology. Since I have already written about your first two stories, I will focus mainly on your third story: Merlin and Morgan. I like how you flushed out the story some more and explained what exactly is happening to Arthur in this crazy adventure he is in.
For revisions, I feel that you could have further propelled this story. I am super excited to see how Arthur's story will progress! I felt that your latest story was more or less just exposition. Don't get me wrong! You did a great job writing this, but I felt that you could have easily added on to this story and show them, at least, going into the castle.
Other than that, you did an amazing job. I look forward to your next story!
Jake! What a great idea for a project! I absolutely loved getting to read your work! It was such a cool idea to do King Arthur (a story most of us are at least a little familiar with) but incorporate Japan a totally different setting! I love that all three of your stories really connect with each other and including asian mythology really worked for me as well! For example making the sword a Katana (apparently a traditional Japanese sword - great job explaining that by the way!) The Nine-tailed fox was a cool add as well - do I sense some cartoon inspiration here? I'm not very well versed in asian mythology (besides what I've read in this class) but you made me feel right at home by explaining everything perfectly! Overall I so enjoyed your take on the story and the amount of time you spent to get it right - it really showed! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHello Jake!
ReplyDeleteYour story by far passed what I initially expected when I read the first entry. You blended Arthur so well with the Japanese culture I could envision it happening in that era. The difference in setting makes this story a lot more beautiful in my mind. With England being cold and dreary mostly and Japan with it's amazing landscape and seasons. The pacing you have throughout the different chapters is nice. It isn't too slow or to the speed and lack of detail that you really have no idea what is going on. The details work nice as well as your Author's notes in explaining some more about the original inspirations per story. You have truly made this story your own. Doing that is not easy, especially when taking a story so well known such as Arthur. I would say I was looking forward to more but we are at the end, one of the best stories I have read in this class. Good luck in the future!
Hey Jake.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to start out by saying that the format you used for your storybook was really nice. The pictures go really well with the storybook. Also I think it was interesting to mix the story of King Arthur with Japanese mythology. I really like how these stories turned out and you did a really good job of infusing the two together. Also I am from the other class so your author’s notes were really helpful in explaining the background story of the fox spirit to me. You are also really good at explaining the reasons for the decisions you made in the stories. I liked your version of the story. All in all, all the stories were really good. I hope you have a good rest of the semester, and good luck with your finals.
Hey Jake!
ReplyDeleteI'm from the Indian Epics class, and I have to say, I really love the idea behind your project! I really enjoy stories about King Arthur, and I think your idea to portray a story of him in Japan was very creativ. Your site was really aesthetically pleasing, too - the font was stylistic, the background was simple, and the pictures added good meaning to the stories. I think the way you organized your story was useful, too. It helped develop the characters well, and the procession of events was really smooth. The way you describe Arthur's various observations in "Drawing the Sword" and the dialogue between Merlin and Arthur in "Merlin and Morgan" really helped the reader feel connected. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps include more imagery so that the reader can visualize what Toto or his settings look like at any given point. Overall, I thought you did a fantastic job with your writing!
Hey Jake,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job on this piece overall. I liked the unique twist on the plot of King Arthur and how you changed the location completely from the original story. I haven’t read the original story but I feel like the first little bit of this story was pretty similar to the original. Then at the end of the first story your transition was perfect. It was interesting and kept the reader intrigued at all times. I think if you added some more pictures you may be able to bring the reader in even more. Pictures help me as a reader make sure I am following the story. Overall this project was great and it really interested me throughout the whole piece. I think you should keep writing even after class ends. You have a really good way of putting words together where they flow really well. Great job and keep writing!